Safety is always important no matter what situation in life you might find yourself. That being said it’s always first and foremost in the bdsm/kink lifestyle.
Especially now during all the quarantine going on and social distancing it can be really challenging for both Tops and Bottoms who do not live together and those who might just be play partners and aren’t able to go to an event or play party during this time. From my own experiences being a submissive/bottom it has been challenging not being able to play during social distancing. However in my normal day to day it’s regular for me, because I’m not in any dynamic and I just have play partners whom I occasionally play with.
With safety first especially right now a submissive might experience sub frenzy where they miss that connection and release from being Topped during a scene or being in a BDSM dynamic.
Many say that Sub Frenzy only happens to new subs and bottoms who just entered the lifestyle and want to do everything now. I do not believe this because even seasoned subs and bottoms can still experience sub frenzy from time to time especially when it’s been a long period of time from not getting that release that is achieved when being topped.
When I was a baby in kink I definitely had sub frenzy and I didn’t think things through. I didn’t fully know how to Vet someone and I rushed into a dynamic. I didn’t know about consent and negotiations as I’ve recently learned from the community i’m in. I have done this more than once because I was not mindful of my sub frenzy and I didn’t have a community where I could reach out and ask for help and advice.
I have experienced sexual abuse, mental and emotional abuse, and physical abuse. No i’m not sharing this for pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not a victim and I keep on working on myself and moving forward from my past experiences in a much more positive and safe way. It is really important to know how to vet someone when you are entering a dynamic. There are so many people, whether they are a submissive/bottom or a dominant/top, who hide their flaws and who are not honest and truthful.
The second time I rushed into a dynamic was several months after my Master had passed away from a heart attack. I was so devastated on the inside from his passing and I felt completely lost and was missing that connection. I had taken advice from a few vanilla friends to try a dating/hookup site and I downloaded it and put up my profile and bam away I went without thinking.
I didn’t vet anyone properly and I wasn’t thinking of being responsibly safe or about my personal well being. I just wanted that connection and feeling of purpose back again. I was fully responsible for allowing this person into my life. I was not responsible for his behaviors towards me. Many of things that I did were not consented and I was again fearful of my life and felt helpless. The only thing that was consented were the sexual things I did to please this person. I consented to that but I did not consent to being degraded and having my self esteem be put down. This person had me take pictures of everything I ate and I had to ask permission before I ate and if he said no I had to figure out something else to eat. I did not consent to that. That hurt me emotionally and mentally and that trauma just added to my past trauma and it still effects me today.
Again I AM NOT sharing this to gain any sympathy or pity because I was responsible for allowing this person into my life and not properly being safe. I am sharing this message to others for you to be safe and smart.
I highly recommend if you are interested in bdsm/kink whether you want to be in a dynamic or you just want to see what it’s about be safe. I highly recommend using the website Fetlife and setting up a profile.
Here is a video from Whips, Chains, and Duct Tape on How to set up your Fetlife profile. If you are new to the lifestyle I highly recommend watching this video.
You can find Whips, Chains, and Duct Tape on Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram and other social media platforms.
After you have your profile all ready and set up to be published I recommend looking for your local kink/bdsm communities. Right now many munches are not happening due to social distancing and quarantine. There are however many munches and groups being done virtually so you can still interact with others who have been in the lifestyle and have experience.
These are my personal recommendations from my own experience:
- Do not meet anyone alone
- Do look up local kink/bdsm communities
- Do not play with anyone when first meeting someone
- If you’re going to drink alcohol have a safe person you can call who knows where you are and what you’re doing/ Or have someone go with you as backup
- Research BDSM/Kink
Please when doing anything be safe and be smart about it.
Here are list of links of safe groups in The BDSM/Kink Lifestyle:
https://www.facebook.com/WCDTBDSM/ Whips, Chains, & Duct Tape
https://www.facebook.com/lehighvalleykink/ Lehigh Valley Kink
https://www.facebook.com/BDSMeducators/ Kink Education and Awareness
These are few bdsm/kink references who are safe and have been in the lifestyle for years and have tools for those who are new or need a refresher course.
Take Care and Be Safe!