Photo from Google

Safe words are one of the most important conversations you will have when negotiating with your Top. Safe words are what lets the Top know when to slow down or stop during a scene.

It’s so important to have that talk before playing with anyone and if you’re uncomfortable talking open and honestly about this then you really should not be playing at all because not only will you end up hurting yourself but you will hurt those around you and that is not okay.

The basic safe words that are used are the traffic light system of Green, Yellow, and Red. We all know that Green is go, yellow means slow down especially if you might have been introduced to something new. Red means stop meaning that scene is over period no exceptions and aftercare should start right away.

What happens if our safe words are violated?

I will be sharing my own experience as yes I’ve had a safe word violated. I will stop here and say TRIGGER WARNING DO NOT GO FURTHER IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED

Photo from The F Word

This is what happened in my own experience with safe words being violated.

I was playing privately with someone and this was six months after I had gotten to know them and played publicly with and I felt safe with person because they had not ignored my safe words until this moment.

We were in a regular scene I was being flogged and spanked just good impact play. He then stopped and was grabbing something else and I didn’t know what it was I was already in my happy place. The only thing he said was to relax and breathe and then I felt it. I then panicked which turned into a panic attack I screamed no, red, stop. He did not listen and I was crying with my head deep inside the pillow. He had inserted without consent a butt plug in me. I had literally froze after crying I lost all emotions I was now in survive mode of finish the damn scene and get the fuck out. I did not know what else to do when it was over and I was finally at home I texted him not to contact me anymore and that I do not want to play with you anymore. That you violated me. He never contacted me again and I only saw him once at a club event which yes my insides freaked out but I remained calm and didn’t go near him at all. All I will say is that Karma did do justice for me.

Since that did happen I’ve been extremely picky who I play with and who I’m around. I do not play privately with anyone anymore it must be in a safe public space with lots of people around. I could care less about others seeing my naked flaws I’d rather be around others while playing. Then I know there are witnesses and it’s safe.

Thankfully others out there have shared some wonderful information about safety and safe words.

I highly recommend playing after you’ve taken the time to really know someone and please play in a public dungeon with DM’s. Always do your research about each venue making sure they comply with safety and the well being of others that is most important

Have you ever had your safe words disregarded or ignored? If you’re okay to share I invite you to please share in the comments.

I am going to leave here a few links on consent and negotiations and the importance of safe words.

Beyond safe words when saying No in BDSM isn’t enough

Lehigh Valley Kink Red Flags of Abuse within BDSM